Thursday, June 23, 2011

This is why I love Heather McDonald

*This post is Religious in content and may be found offensive. If you feel you might be offended by a Jehovah's Witness joke or two -- read no further.

I feel like Heather McDonald and me could be real life biffers. Seriously. We have pretty much everything in common. This next excerpt from her book "You'll Never Blue Ball In This Town Again" is the most prime reason:

"Growing up, we lived within a mile of a Jehovah Witness Kingdom Hall. They would always knock on our door and my parents taught us to say, 'No, thank you. We're Catholic.' Sometimes they would say, 'OK,' but oftentimes they would say, 'Well please take our literature. It's about building a strong family.' I always felt so bad for them; still do. Walking door-to-door in the heart, does anyone really just join a church because someone knocks on their door and asks them to? I guess some must;  otherwise, they would stop doing it"

Lemme just splain to ya.... growing up with two parents with two different religious backgrouns, it ain't easy! My religion is better than yours banters were some of my moms favorite arguments as to why my dad was full of crap! Note, my mom did not become Catholic til well after my parents met, I was about 5. This bashing of other religious denominations {politically correct} is probably what led my mom to teach me and my sister the exact same thing that Heather McDonald was taught. When the freaks come a knockin' you open the door a slight crack just wide enough for them to shove that little pamphlet in your face, smile back and kill them with kindness as you simply said "Sorry, we're Catholic".

 "We're Catholic" kind of meant We're the yeah-we-go-to-church-every-weekend-take-communinion-drank-that-wine-but-we-love-a-good-time  kind of Catholic and frankly, we're pretty traditional and no, we don't to join your church where birthdays and holidays cease to exist.

I can say these kinds of things because my sister had a "sitter" or "nanny" growing up,  she kept children in her home as well as her own grand children which is why all the children called her Mimi. My sister stayed there from the time she was like 6 months old until she was 4. She was a Jehovah's Witness and one of the nicest women I have ever been blessed to meet (still go and visit her every time I am at the Galleria, she works in the handbag department at Belk). She did not celebrate birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Valentine's, St. Paddy's Day (what the hell, I know!), not even President's or Labor Day or God forbid MLK Day (that would be considered racist this day and time, Mimi). Instead when all of her children left her for the real world -- aka kindergarden or in my sisters case, 4K she gave them a going away party. Lavish it was! She gave gifts too! My sister got a Pocahontas lunch box and the Jehovah's Witness version of the child's Bible (see, PUSHY!)

I too, like Heather, felt sorry for them but I knew they were not of our kind. Weird people... who doesn't celebrate holidays? I still feel bad for them (as well as the Church of God people who make the girls and women wear the long dresses that cover the entire body with long sleeves and wear long hair and never cut it but put it back in a bun and wear tennis shoes with dresses and skirts (shudder..... I die a little on the inside when I see these people in public). My sympathy and utter embarassment for them is what led me to ask my friends, Shannon and Elizabeth to give me a few dollar bills during Memorial Day weekend to pass out the window to the poor kids in their winter garments standing at the stoplight by Target with a bucket for their youth group or something.

Anyways, I just wanted to relate how much I love Heather McDonald and got a bit sidetracked. Sorry if I offended you. I feel really bad and will probably go to hell now. But, like a good Catholic girl I am I will just go and do some Hail Mary's and everything will be just fine (KIDDING!!!!)

I am not sacreligious, I just have some humor when it comes to Religions and their stereotypes.

I am done. Let the hate mail commence.


Mandy said...

hahah Oh my goodness I was coached to say "Sorry, we're Catholic!" too! I always felt so bad! That's hard work walking all over the place!

Shannon said...

Very entertaining post!! LOVED it! Also you do have a good heart and mean well. You might not agree with what they believe but you can't refuse kids in winter garments raising a lil money for their next trip haha.

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